Woody’s World: Still A Vacuum of Depressing Nothingness

Get Wide!

I was watching this, Woody Paige’s thoughts on Alexander “Sasha” Artemev’s, a Colorado Native’s winning of a bronze medel, and it reminded me of a few things:

– Woody Paige sitting their, no production value as we’ve touched on before, is boring

– As he continually tries to say Alexander “Sasha” Artemev(I don’t know how to spell it but that’s how he said it)

– His “sign off” of “I’m Woody Paige, and I’ll see you in the sports pages” is up there with “Here’s Johnny” and “Rectum, Damn Near Killed Em'”

 

http://videocenter.denverpost.com/services/link/bcpid1480107696/bclid1481452837/bctid1726720362

Not So Fast “HERO”

Michael Phelps is not human. In fact he is a fish. Breaking news out of China has determined that Phelps’ has had sex with 412312 females and 3 males. How’d the males get involved? Don’t ask.

If you are a regular contributor to the fair pole, and if you are not, what the fuck is wrong with you, Guyswithadream has a huge man crush on Phelps. Hey who wouldn’t right? Guy is a freak, but I’m going to play devils advocate here which always leads to great fun.

 

you want....to touch?

 

Do you care that he won 8 gold medals? Really do you care? I am happy for him sure, but I would 100 percent rather “The Redeem Team” (btw that slogan sounds like something Home Depot would pitch during a backyard home makeover sale) win the Gold over Phelps’ 8 medals.

I just don’t really care. Olympics are so 1500. We get all involved for two weeks and then one week later we could care less. If I saw Michael Phelps at a bar in December I would be excited, but it would last all of three minutes.

It’s like when McDonalds brings back the McRib. Sure he is getting some mad tail, but I think I would much rather be lets say Evan Langoria of the Tampa Bay Rays.

Guy is 23, good lucking, playing in Florida totally away from the press, and probably bangs a new Florida hottie every day. No one has to know. No one has to care. Everyone gets to be happy. Phelps can go on endorsing and he will make his cash-Visa, Speedo, Omega, and for some odd reason Rosetta Stone speech-and don’t even fucking tell me he used it to learn Chinese…I mean how much could he have possibly made for that?

Do they have money for ads? 3-4 Susan B Anthony’s is my call. So Micheal Phelps your life is good ya, but trust me guys, there are plenty of dudes I’d rather be. Yes Michel Phelps is one of them…ahhh sad

 

her? no sex, just head

Olympics…Still More Confusing than Women

I don’t get it. I am just going to come out swinging and ask you America why we care about the Olympics. I am not going to lie, I have watched a ton, got into them too, but still am confused why we care so much about some sport just created and so little about one’s that “matter”.

We get caught up in watching Misty May because she’s a hottie and gymnastics because we still love that coach who mumbles through English and love the passion, but shouldn’t this be a time when all sports really should matter?

We invented basketball so we want to win Gold and demolish everyone, but didn’t we create baseball also? Did you even know we had a team? I would have lied if I said I was sure we did.

Badminton and fencing get more love than baseball. And another sport that gets very little love? Soccer. Shouldn’t this be it Europe? Didn’t you all love the Euro Cup and obviously the world cup? But no one cares. No one could care less.

Roger Federer made it seem like a chore he even had to play. He’d much rather win Wimbledon than win a gold medal for his country!!! Here’s the catch. I don’t care either. I’d rather win my fantasy football league than USA win any medals. I’m thrilled three ladies swept the fencing competition.

No I’m not. How the fuck do you even get into fencing? Dad must make over 500,000 a year and belong to a country club?  Shit man. How to fix the Olympics? Make them every 16 years and always have them in the Eastern Time zone so I can watch them live. Other than that, my angry rant is now over.

image not coming in clear? do you care?

A Race Even I Could Win

Given that its Olympic time comes this classic clip from the 2004 Sydney Olympics.  Three swimmers.  One race.  Two are disqualified.  You do the math…

What American Olympians do in Spare Time

Courtesy of BARSTOOLSPORTS.COM found this Gem of America’s Alicia Sacramone punching out some dude. Ya this girl is an Olympian. OUR Olympian. She also punches out guys. God Bless the USA. She is also from Winchester Massachusetts. What happens in WINCHESTAH STAYS IN WINCHESTAH.

Jim Caple Attempt to Be Bill Simmons of the Week

 

Flaming!

With the Olympics starting soon, what better way to get into the spirit then to enjoy an article that I would only read if somebody printed it off and taped to the back of a bathroom stall.

“Back during the 1976 Olympics in Montreal, McDonald’s ran a promotion in which it handed out Olympic scratch cards with the slogan, “When the U.S. Wins, You Win!” (or something like that; it was a long time and several Bruce Jenner face-lifts ago). ”

– Jim Caple

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=caple/080807