Can It Be Done?!!??!

I need your help people.  Can it be done?  Most girls these days like Abercrombie wearing, hair that you cant stop staring, and popped collars that knock your socks off.  I would think they would want a guy who could eat 5 big macs. 

The time limit? Still TBD.  I told my friend Paul I could nom nom nom them in about 20 minutes, and he said he would pay me 50 bucks.  I have not trained for this, but I think if I have the right state of mind it could be done.  Paul also said he would pay for price of big macs (approx 15 dollars) and 50 more if I could do it.  But as I said I need to know how much time I could get?  Okay Fair Pole readers (that’s 20 of you) please comment on the chances of this happening!!!


5….5 freaking biggggg macs (in the tune of the subway 5 dollar foot longs)

nom nom nom

Special Sauce


Not So Fast “HERO”

Michael Phelps is not human. In fact he is a fish. Breaking news out of China has determined that Phelps’ has had sex with 412312 females and 3 males. How’d the males get involved? Don’t ask.

If you are a regular contributor to the fair pole, and if you are not, what the fuck is wrong with you, Guyswithadream has a huge man crush on Phelps. Hey who wouldn’t right? Guy is a freak, but I’m going to play devils advocate here which always leads to great fun.


you touch?

you touch?


Do you care that he won 8 gold medals? Really do you care? I am happy for him sure, but I would 100 percent rather “The Redeem Team” (btw that slogan sounds like something Home Depot would pitch during a backyard home makeover sale) win the Gold over Phelps’ 8 medals.

I just don’t really care. Olympics are so 1500. We get all involved for two weeks and then one week later we could care less. If I saw Michael Phelps at a bar in December I would be excited, but it would last all of three minutes.

It’s like when McDonalds brings back the McRib. Sure he is getting some mad tail, but I think I would much rather be lets say Evan Langoria of the Tampa Bay Rays.

Guy is 23, good lucking, playing in Florida totally away from the press, and probably bangs a new Florida hottie every day. No one has to know. No one has to care. Everyone gets to be happy. Phelps can go on endorsing and he will make his cash-Visa, Speedo, Omega, and for some odd reason Rosetta Stone speech-and don’t even fucking tell me he used it to learn Chinese…I mean how much could he have possibly made for that?

Do they have money for ads? 3-4 Susan B Anthony’s is my call. So Micheal Phelps your life is good ya, but trust me guys, there are plenty of dudes I’d rather be. Yes Michel Phelps is one of them…ahhh sad


her? no sex, just head

her? no sex, just head

Olympics…Still More Confusing than Women

I don’t get it. I am just going to come out swinging and ask you America why we care about the Olympics. I am not going to lie, I have watched a ton, got into them too, but still am confused why we care so much about some sport just created and so little about one’s that “matter”.

We get caught up in watching Misty May because she’s a hottie and gymnastics because we still love that coach who mumbles through English and love the passion, but shouldn’t this be a time when all sports really should matter?

We invented basketball so we want to win Gold and demolish everyone, but didn’t we create baseball also? Did you even know we had a team? I would have lied if I said I was sure we did.

Badminton and fencing get more love than baseball. And another sport that gets very little love? Soccer. Shouldn’t this be it Europe? Didn’t you all love the Euro Cup and obviously the world cup? But no one cares. No one could care less.

Roger Federer made it seem like a chore he even had to play. He’d much rather win Wimbledon than win a gold medal for his country!!! Here’s the catch. I don’t care either. I’d rather win my fantasy football league than USA win any medals. I’m thrilled three ladies swept the fencing competition.

No I’m not. How the fuck do you even get into fencing? Dad must make over 500,000 a year and belong to a country club?  Shit man. How to fix the Olympics? Make them every 16 years and always have them in the Eastern Time zone so I can watch them live. Other than that, my angry rant is now over.

image broken? do u care?

image not coming in clear? do you care?

Sox Get Paul Byrd or a Pedophile

My name is Paul and I am a


The Red Sox got Paul Byrd.  I never really looked at Paul Byrd before, until now.  And I don’t wanna make a joke, but if you google imaged Pedophile, would his image not come up?  Honestly now…

Actual Breaking News Headlines from ESPN NEWS

“Rafael Nadal wins Wimbledon”… Cool

“Casey Khame docked 150 points for equipment malfunction”…What? Nascar?

“Brett Favre requests release from Packers”…NO WAY!

“Brett Favre orders Turkey sandwich instead receives Ham”…MONSTERS!!!

“Tampa Bay loses 7th game in a row”…Devil Rays or Rays?

“Philadelphia Soul advances to Arena Bowl XXII”…22??? Say Whaaaa!

Favre Story Not Over Yet

Jinx! 1 2 3 you owe me a Coke!

1,2,3 you owe me a coke!


At least not in my eyes. 

EA sports is going to unveil down-loadable covers for your new Madden 09 game because of this whole Favre mess.  The madden jinx is no joke and honestly it is kind of scary to see how players underperformed or in worst case, got hurt and missed the whole year. 

Now with number 4 on the Packers in the cover, I am feeling the jinx!  I feel it big time.  Packers 0-16 and Favre breaking his leg on his first preseason snap.  Double Jinx baby!  SCARY!!!  Remember when I call this one baby.  It is only a matter of time.

Brett Favre to Jets

I’m Hot

Since ESPN, FOX AND FRIENDS, and the rest of the world continues to report report and report on this whole Brett Favre saga even after its over, I will just give you the quick rundown on what happend.

1.  Late March Packers ask Brett to come back, he says nah.

2.  Brett Favre feels itch in his pants, and itches to come back, after Packers draft 8 more QBs.

3.  Packers say ummm I mean really you’re coming back now after we asked you?

4.  Now July, Brett still itching, but finds out Aaaron Rodgers is the starter.

5.  Still ITCHING

6.  Says no to Jets, Bucs, wants to play for a contendah with hot cheddah

7.  Finally reinstated, Pack says you can compete to be a back up, offer him 30243242 million not to play.

8.  Rachel Nichols-hot-talks to Brett

I once met a girl

I once met a girl

9.  10 hour meeting turns into Brett changing his mind and accepting trade to Jets.

10.  Brett asks for Tylenol and instead receives Advil.  Peter King calls them monsters.


Jets beat Dolphins in week 1, 24-3 and Favre throws 2 td’s and Jets fan talk Super Bowl.  In week 2, Jets lose to Patriots 49-7 with Favre throwing 7 INTs and Jets fans asking for Kellen Clemmens cuz Favre is washed up.  Oh I LOVE IT!!!