Romeo & Juliet, Harry & Sally, and now Brandon & Rasheeda

Brandon Marshall

(Photo: USAToday.com)

In a case of he said/she said, Broncos four-year veteran and ex-girlfriend Rasheeda Watley were engaged in a dispute in March 2008. Marshall, the man with a glowing track record of truth telling, initially said during the dispute:

“Initially, Marshall told arriving police the girlfriend’s ‘sisters attacked him with a knife, cutting his hand,’ according to a police report on the March 4 fight at his high-rise Atlanta condominium.”

Later however Marshall said:

“But, according to new documents obtained Thursday, when police asked who had the knife, “Marshall stated there was no knife and he had been cut on glass during the fight,” police wrote. It’s unclear how Marshall’s hand was cut on the glass, because when police returned to talk to him in the condo hallway, he had left.”

Not funny however, was the claim of Rasheeda, Brandon’s ex-girlfriend:

“She said they began arguing and Marshall allegedly ‘began to destroy the apartment, threw her on the bed, grasped her head with his hand, and began to slap her,’ according to the police report. Her sisters, Adilah Watley, 21, and Aliyah, 16, gave similar accounts of the alleged assault.”

But like every true American love story, this had a happy ending. Marshall said:

“‘Basically, what it was is I had just gotten into town and the relationship was basically over,’ said Marshall, who owns the Atlanta condo. ‘I told her it was time to end it now, and she didn’t like that. We’ve been dating off and on since the eighth grade, and she said, ‘I’m going to ruin you.’ The only thing I did was try to get out of the house.”‘

You can read the rest of the sordid tale below. However, I think the lesson we can learn here is with enough conviction, pride, and heart in yourself then the truth will prei’vegonecrosseyed

http://www.rockymountainnews.com/news/2008/jun/25/broncos-marshall-blames-march-arrest-ex-girlfriend/

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In Search of the Great American Brew

Manly men nationwide have been lamenting Budweisers jump across the pond. I bet some of these man now listen to Death Cab for Cuties Transatlanticism when no one is looking.

Manly men nationwide have been lamenting Budweiser's jump across the pond. I bet some of these men now listen to Death Cab for Cutie's 'Transatlanticism' when no one is watching.

Nectar of the Gods. The Golden Elixir. Redneck Kool-Aid. Suds. Brewskis. Man in a Can. Whatever you want to call it, America’s version seems to be in trouble these days.

Millions of beer-drinking Americans have been up in arms ever since European-based InBev bought out Anhueser-Busch last month. Now, only a few American-based breweries remain. So, the major question being posed is this: which beer will take over Budweiser’s role as the Great American Brew?

Could Sammy A’s become the next Great American Brew?

Samuel Adams helped Ben Franklin in Eiffel Towering wenches

Samuel Adams often assisted Benjamin Franklin in 'Eiffel Towering' wenches

It’s possible, but not very likely considering the average price of a six-pack. But still, I think it’s Samuel Adams’s chance to branch out further and capture America’s beer-drinking heart with its authentically patriotic brand. Ah, (Boston-region baritone) SAMUEL ADAMS.

Could Yeungling a.k.a. “Vitamin-Y” become the next Great American Brew?

Four more plus a couple key bumps ... Yup, Ill morph right back into Barry ...

Four more plus a couple key bumps ... Yup, I'll morph right back into Barry ...

It’s doubtful because the family-owned brewery will neither sell nor expand. Yuengling has been creating beer in Pennsylvania for nearly two-hundred years. It’s the oldest brewery in the US, and it’s still only available in a dozen states, all of which are located along the eastern seaboard. It’s fun to say, though. YING-LING.

Could Narragansett become the next Great American Brew?

Its effin Gansett ya ree-tahd.

It's effin 'Gansett ya ree-tahd.

Probably not, but it’s a fine wobbly pop nonetheless. Narragansett or “fuckin ‘Gansett” to Skoal-dipping folks of New England, was one of the more popular beers in America during the late 70’s. It’s based out of Rhode Island, and a nice pitcher of its lager ain’t a bad deal if you’re strictly looking to get shitfaced.

Could Pabst Blue Ribbon become the next Great American Brew?

Gee, I looked like a huge whitebread tool back. I never thought Pabst drinkers would one day become so damn cool ...

Gee, I'm a huge sweater-vest-wearing tool. How the hell did all of today's Pabst drinkers become so cool?!?

Many people are saying the red, white, and blue brand may soon wear the crown, but there’s no way that‘ll happen. Why, you ask? Well, first of all, the taste of Pabst vaguely resembles that of cat urine. Moreover, Pabst Blue Ribbon isn’t even a true American brew. It closed its Milwaukee brewery ten years ago. Bottles and cans of PBR are now produced by the Miller company, which mixes its poison somewhere in South Africa. So, technically, becoming the next Great American Brew should be impossible. One thing’s for sure: if PBR ever replaced Bud on a cultural level, hipsters would have no choice but to go ahead and find themselves another retro-chic beer to champion. Wow, that’s pathetic.

CONCLUSION: There will never be another Great American Brew ever again. At least not in our lifetime. Sip on that.

SO … you might’ve already seen this video, but anyway, on a slightly tangential note, here you go:

Maybe I’m not cool/hip enough, but I LOVE IT. It’s all too true/hilarious.

Cheers, mate.

Brett Favre to Jets

I'm HOT
I’m Hot

Since ESPN, FOX AND FRIENDS, and the rest of the world continues to report report and report on this whole Brett Favre saga even after its over, I will just give you the quick rundown on what happend.

1.  Late March Packers ask Brett to come back, he says nah.

2.  Brett Favre feels itch in his pants, and itches to come back, after Packers draft 8 more QBs.

3.  Packers say ummm I mean really you’re coming back now after we asked you?

4.  Now July, Brett still itching, but finds out Aaaron Rodgers is the starter.

5.  Still ITCHING

6.  Says no to Jets, Bucs, wants to play for a contendah with hot cheddah

7.  Finally reinstated, Pack says you can compete to be a back up, offer him 30243242 million not to play.

8.  Rachel Nichols-hot-talks to Brett

I once met a girl

I once met a girl

9.  10 hour meeting turns into Brett changing his mind and accepting trade to Jets.

10.  Brett asks for Tylenol and instead receives Advil.  Peter King calls them monsters.

NOW THE FUTURE!!!!

Jets beat Dolphins in week 1, 24-3 and Favre throws 2 td’s and Jets fan talk Super Bowl.  In week 2, Jets lose to Patriots 49-7 with Favre throwing 7 INTs and Jets fans asking for Kellen Clemmens cuz Favre is washed up.  Oh I LOVE IT!!!

Forgotten Onion Article of the Week

1985 Photo Reveals ESPN’s John Clayton Was 6′ 6″ 275-Pound Bears Lineman

 

I like your smile

 

http://www.theonion.com/content/from_print/1985_photo_reveals_espns

If This Happened, Bristol Would Explode

From the hysterical www.tiricosuave.com, a pointed, hysterical post about a way to solve the two most annoying, overhyped stories currently going in in sports.  Brett Favre’s impending return and Manny Ramirez’s impending departure (via Peter Gammons).

What better way to cause Chris Mortenson, Peter King, Jayson Stark, Peter Gammons, and co. to blow their lid?  Exhibit A:

Cheddaaaaa

Cheddaaaaa

Exhibit B:

I want to play for a winner

I want to play for a winner

“Manny wouldn’t know the difference. Ship him to Green Bay, have ‘new’ manager Mike McCarthy hold a morning meeting explaining to Manny that the rules and strategy of baseball have been completely modified. He’ll be excited as if he were in gym class and it was a new school week and was time to move on and play a different sport. And playing in Wisconsin, he’s certainly guaranteed to lead the league in snow angel production, definitely this kind maybe even of this sort.”

http://www.tiricosuave.com/2008/07/28/solve-everyones-problems-trade-favre-for-manny/

Jeremy Shockey and Being First

Useful shot

Useful shot

From Yahoo! Sports and the NY Daily News, Jeremy Shockey was interviewed about his trade from the defending Super Bowl Champion NY Giants to the never-been-to-the-Super Bowl New Orleans Saints

“I was relieved, I wasn’t surprised. The last thing I wanted to do was go back to the New York Giants… If I had gone back to the Giants, no matter what, it would have been a circus. I’d have went up there if they kept me, there would have been all of the rumors (that) they were better off without me. The last thing I wanted to do was be a distraction.”

Oddly smart, well thought words from a guy with this giant, absurd tattoo on his arm (via the700Level).

Freedom isnt free, you know it costs a f****** fee.

Freedom isn't free, you know it costs a f****** fee.

Actual Peter King Quote or Impersonation?

BF 4Ever
BF 4Ever

My friend, an amazing Peter King impressionist, submitted one of these to me over email. Which is real, which is fake?

1. Went to Game 2 of the NBA Finals last week, followed by dinner with Kevin Millar at Legal Seafoods. Kevin is going to kill me for relaying this to you, but he mentioned he may return to Boston as a free agent following this season….that sound you just heard was Red Sox Nation collectively screaming with joy. Always loved Millar. A true team-first “glue” guy.

2. All you idiots at Fenway who booed David Ortiz (it was scattered, certainly nothing near a majority) the other night should have your human-being licenses revoked. Ortiz is 3-for-43 in one-fourteenth of the season. For everything he’s done the past four years, he’s a guy you shouldn’t boo, even if he finishes the year 3-for-543.

And twins!

And twins!

1. Fake

2. Real

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/writers/peter_king/04/14/draft/3.html