Where Are the 90’s Now?

The Fair Pole is used to curb some of today’s workplace boredom, but the overall spirit of this blog was clearly born during the early to mid-90’s, which got me to thinking . . .

There are 1950’s diners where I can order a tall and tasty malt while doing The Jitterbug to Buddy Holly, 60’s-type soul joints where I can sway along to The Temptations, 70’s-style discotheques where I can observe older Italians reliving Manero glory days, and renovated 80’s palaces where I have no choice but to watch frantic cokeheads dance to glam-metal. Where are all the 90’s retro spots?

I’m pretty sure there aren’t any waiters doing The Macarena anywhere in America. With culture progressing at such an accelerated pace, and it being almost 2010, isn’t it about time for a restaurant/club to pay homage to the 90’s?

Just picture this glorious scene: the theme song to Beverly Hills 90210, “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, and other 90’s hits alternately blast over a set of loudspeakers as the restaurant’s waitresses are dressed in ESPIRIT jeans, flourescent sunglasses, huge hoop earrings, clunky Doc Martens, and The Rachel haircut. Customers eat cheeseburgers as small TVs located beside their tables play episodes of Small Wonder, Rescue Rangers, and In Living Color. In lieu of commericals, the TVs display CNN news clip spanning the decade. Maybe they could even call the place I Love the 90’s and have Joel Stein endorse it or something?

Honestly, would such a time warp not be the greatest thing ever? Despite the fact that this is a horrible, horrible idea, and will never happen, it absolutely needs to.

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