Can It Be Done?!!??!

I need your help people.  Can it be done?  Most girls these days like Abercrombie wearing, hair that you cant stop staring, and popped collars that knock your socks off.  I would think they would want a guy who could eat 5 big macs. 

The time limit? Still TBD.  I told my friend Paul I could nom nom nom them in about 20 minutes, and he said he would pay me 50 bucks.  I have not trained for this, but I think if I have the right state of mind it could be done.  Paul also said he would pay for price of big macs (approx 15 dollars) and 50 more if I could do it.  But as I said I need to know how much time I could get?  Okay Fair Pole readers (that’s 20 of you) please comment on the chances of this happening!!!

YES WE CAN!!!

5….5 freaking biggggg macs (in the tune of the subway 5 dollar foot longs)

Special Sauce

Not So Fast “HERO”

Michael Phelps is not human. In fact he is a fish. Breaking news out of China has determined that Phelps’ has had sex with 412312 females and 3 males. How’d the males get involved? Don’t ask.

If you are a regular contributor to the fair pole, and if you are not, what the fuck is wrong with you, Guyswithadream has a huge man crush on Phelps. Hey who wouldn’t right? Guy is a freak, but I’m going to play devils advocate here which always leads to great fun.

 

you want....to touch?

 

Do you care that he won 8 gold medals? Really do you care? I am happy for him sure, but I would 100 percent rather “The Redeem Team” (btw that slogan sounds like something Home Depot would pitch during a backyard home makeover sale) win the Gold over Phelps’ 8 medals.

I just don’t really care. Olympics are so 1500. We get all involved for two weeks and then one week later we could care less. If I saw Michael Phelps at a bar in December I would be excited, but it would last all of three minutes.

It’s like when McDonalds brings back the McRib. Sure he is getting some mad tail, but I think I would much rather be lets say Evan Langoria of the Tampa Bay Rays.

Guy is 23, good lucking, playing in Florida totally away from the press, and probably bangs a new Florida hottie every day. No one has to know. No one has to care. Everyone gets to be happy. Phelps can go on endorsing and he will make his cash-Visa, Speedo, Omega, and for some odd reason Rosetta Stone speech-and don’t even fucking tell me he used it to learn Chinese…I mean how much could he have possibly made for that?

Do they have money for ads? 3-4 Susan B Anthony’s is my call. So Micheal Phelps your life is good ya, but trust me guys, there are plenty of dudes I’d rather be. Yes Michel Phelps is one of them…ahhh sad

 

her? no sex, just head

Olympics…Still More Confusing than Women

I don’t get it. I am just going to come out swinging and ask you America why we care about the Olympics. I am not going to lie, I have watched a ton, got into them too, but still am confused why we care so much about some sport just created and so little about one’s that “matter”.

We get caught up in watching Misty May because she’s a hottie and gymnastics because we still love that coach who mumbles through English and love the passion, but shouldn’t this be a time when all sports really should matter?

We invented basketball so we want to win Gold and demolish everyone, but didn’t we create baseball also? Did you even know we had a team? I would have lied if I said I was sure we did.

Badminton and fencing get more love than baseball. And another sport that gets very little love? Soccer. Shouldn’t this be it Europe? Didn’t you all love the Euro Cup and obviously the world cup? But no one cares. No one could care less.

Roger Federer made it seem like a chore he even had to play. He’d much rather win Wimbledon than win a gold medal for his country!!! Here’s the catch. I don’t care either. I’d rather win my fantasy football league than USA win any medals. I’m thrilled three ladies swept the fencing competition.

No I’m not. How the fuck do you even get into fencing? Dad must make over 500,000 a year and belong to a country club?  Shit man. How to fix the Olympics? Make them every 16 years and always have them in the Eastern Time zone so I can watch them live. Other than that, my angry rant is now over.

image not coming in clear? do you care?

Sox Get Paul Byrd or a Pedophile

A/S/L?

The Red Sox got Paul Byrd.  I never really looked at Paul Byrd before, until now.  And I don’t wanna make a joke, but if you google imaged Pedophile, would his image not come up?  Honestly now…

Actual Breaking News Headlines from ESPN NEWS

“Rafael Nadal wins Wimbledon”… Cool

“Casey Khame docked 150 points for equipment malfunction”…What? Nascar?

“Brett Favre requests release from Packers”…NO WAY!

“Brett Favre orders Turkey sandwich instead receives Ham”…MONSTERS!!!

“Tampa Bay loses 7th game in a row”…Devil Rays or Rays?

“Philadelphia Soul advances to Arena Bowl XXII”…22??? Say Whaaaa!

Favre Story Not Over Yet

1,2,3 you owe me a coke!

 

At least not in my eyes. 

EA sports is going to unveil down-loadable covers for your new Madden 09 game because of this whole Favre mess.  The madden jinx is no joke and honestly it is kind of scary to see how players underperformed or in worst case, got hurt and missed the whole year. 

Now with number 4 on the Packers in the cover, I am feeling the jinx!  I feel it big time.  Packers 0-16 and Favre breaking his leg on his first preseason snap.  Double Jinx baby!  SCARY!!!  Remember when I call this one baby.  It is only a matter of time.

Brett Favre to Jets

I’m Hot

Since ESPN, FOX AND FRIENDS, and the rest of the world continues to report report and report on this whole Brett Favre saga even after its over, I will just give you the quick rundown on what happend.

1.  Late March Packers ask Brett to come back, he says nah.

2.  Brett Favre feels itch in his pants, and itches to come back, after Packers draft 8 more QBs.

3.  Packers say ummm I mean really you’re coming back now after we asked you?

4.  Now July, Brett still itching, but finds out Aaaron Rodgers is the starter.

5.  Still ITCHING

6.  Says no to Jets, Bucs, wants to play for a contendah with hot cheddah

7.  Finally reinstated, Pack says you can compete to be a back up, offer him 30243242 million not to play.

8.  Rachel Nichols-hot-talks to Brett

I once met a girl

9.  10 hour meeting turns into Brett changing his mind and accepting trade to Jets.

10.  Brett asks for Tylenol and instead receives Advil.  Peter King calls them monsters.

NOW THE FUTURE!!!!

Jets beat Dolphins in week 1, 24-3 and Favre throws 2 td’s and Jets fan talk Super Bowl.  In week 2, Jets lose to Patriots 49-7 with Favre throwing 7 INTs and Jets fans asking for Kellen Clemmens cuz Favre is washed up.  Oh I LOVE IT!!!

Spud Bros: French Fries for Dinner?

Ha, ha, spud

I have made an awful decision. Often times decisions are made up on an impulse, but for this one, I actually had a well thought out plan. A new restaurant has come to Boulder, Colorado called “Spud Brothers“.

“Spud Bros”, as the locals call it, is a place that serves just french fries with a variey of toppings. Sounds yummy!!! Me and my brosefs all love fries so we decided to give this place a venture. We all were extremely hungry, so we went for a regular size instead of a small, but we did however not want to spring for the large.

There were three of us that day, I got the buffalo wing assortment (celery stalk, blue cheese crumbles, franks red hot). My two friends got one with chili, cheese, green peppers, and too much other stuff I can’t remember. They would have chopped up a peanut butter jelly sandwich and mixed it up if it was going to make you happy. The first bites were delicious. The next two were suspect. And the following thirty made us realize we don’t want to become morbidly obese anytime soon.

We ate outside so people walking by us stared at us like we just got in an awful accident and we couldn’t look away. Stuffing ourselves, we noticed that not another soul was in the restaurant, and that peoples reactions just got worse and worse. The employees I think questioned our validity as human beings. As more and more people stared at us like we had a twin growing off the side of our face like in South Park, we could only blame ourselves.

This wasn’t like a burger with Krispy Kreme donuts like they do in the south, this was Boulder,Colorado and it seeemed so harmless. We spent 8 bucks for fries, cheese, toppings and 532,432 calories. Who the fuck orders a large? I warn you in the future. Enjoy fries with ketchup and sometimes a topping, and stray away from this evil sanctuary called Spud Bros. Enter at your own risk.

want some fries with dat?

Manny Being Manny vs Latarian Being Latarian

Lets cut right to the point. I don’t think the Red Sox nor their fans should want to get rid of Manny Ramirez. Manny is a .300 batting average, 30 home runs, and 100 RBI every year he plays. CLOCK WORK BITCH. He has a 20 million dollar option in 2009 and 2010 so if you’re Boston and you think you would do better without him just let him go as a free agent next year and don’t pick up his options. It will make David Ortiz and J.D Drew’s lives a lot easier.

Anyways, Manny is a goof ball. No doubt about it. He is known for playing Left Field with a water bottle in his pocket, cutting off throws from the center fielder, hi-fiving fans DURING a double play, making cell phone calls inside the green monster, pimp walking home runs in 10-1 losses, and as always rountiely dropping easy fly balls, while making ridiculous web gems sliding both knees forward

Then there is SEVEN YEAR OLD Latarian Milton. Latarian is known for stealing his grandmothers car, smoking cigarettes with his friends, doing “hoodrat” stuff, telling strangers he loves them, attacking people with chicken wings, taking cops on high speed chases, and punishing himself for a whole week of no video games for the crimes he has committed.

http://ballhype.com/video/manny_ramirez_high_fives_a_fan_in_the_middle_of_a/

Kwame Brown: Where 6th Chances Happen

It’s official. I don’t get the NBA. It is over. I didn’t even post about Andries Biriieiden (not going to fix spelling because I don’t consider him great) getting 6 years at 67 million because people like John Hollinger of ESPN.COM considered it a wise investment. He is the same guy who liked Enron and Samuel Dalembert (still getting over 10 million a year).

This deal for Kwame allows him a PERSONAL player option for 2010 valued at 8 million bucks. This guy has averaged 7.5 ppg and 5.7 rebs in 7 years. Why is he getting 8 million bucks?

We whine and complain that Manny Ramirez gets 20 million, Alex Rodriguez 25 million, but these guys are actually good. Without the CBA in the NBA intact, Kobe Bryant could actually demand 10 years 300 million, the state of Rhode Island (no one would notice), back to the future power lace Nikes, an apartment on the moon and a lifetime supply of Fraken-Berry cereal that discontinuted in 1995. Hell, thats underpaid even for him.

Hey Jordan liked Kwame, so therefore he must be good!

I scare myself at night too

http://www.nba.com/pistons/news/brown_080728.html