Forgotten Onion Article of the Week

Elderly Woman Applying Makeup Most Heartbreaking Thing On Earth
“PARMA, OH—In an unbelievably heartrending and entirely futile undertaking intended to recapture some infinitesimal shred of her faded beauty and youth, 82-year-old Rachel Shultz painstakingly put on her makeup Monday. “This is the same shade of lipstick I wore when I met [Shultz's long-dead husband] Kenneth,” Shultz [...]

Actual Quote from an Actual Friend

“I don’t know if I have an STD but I’m pissing Mayo and my balls look like a slalom run”

Woody’s World: Still A Vacuum of Depressing Nothingness

I was watching this, Woody Paige’s thoughts on Alexander “Sasha” Artemev’s, a Colorado Native’s winning of a bronze medel, and it reminded me of a few things:
- Woody Paige sitting their, no production value as we’ve touched on before, is boring
- As he continually tries to say Alexander “Sasha” Artemev(I don’t know how to spell [...]

Actual Quote From An Actual Friend

“I’m laying in the park on my lunch break dreaming of a life that doesn’t so closely resemble hell”

Can It Be Done?!!??!

I need your help people.  Can it be done?  Most girls these days like Abercrombie wearing, hair that you cant stop staring, and popped collars that knock your socks off.  I would think they would want a guy who could eat 5 big macs. 
The time limit? Still TBD.  I told my friend Paul I could [...]

Forgotten Onion Article of the Week

That Full House Episode Where They Meet The Beach Boys Is On Tomorrow At 3 P.M.

Walk It Out

Maybe I’ve posted this before, but I don’t think I have.  What’s important is how unbelievable this is.  It’s from the 1960’s but somebody with wayyy too much time on their hands (i.e. updating a blog with only hundreds of readers every day), noticed that their choreographed dance was spot on with Unk’s “Walk It [...]

Camel Toe Annie: Insert A Caption

Via Tiricosuave.com comes the following picture that could turn a straight man gay:
I haven’t been this horrified by a picture since the before and after pictures of Stephanie Tanner.

Not So Fast “HERO”

Michael Phelps is not human. In fact he is a fish. Breaking news out of China has determined that Phelps’ has had sex with 412312 females and 3 males. How’d the males get involved? Don’t ask.
If you are a regular contributor to the fair pole, and if you are not, what the fuck is [...]

Olympics…Still More Confusing than Women

I don’t get it. I am just going to come out swinging and ask you America why we care about the Olympics. I am not going to lie, I have watched a ton, got into them too, but still am confused why we care so much about some sport just created and so little about [...]